Ooh you're in trouble, girl!

Well, today is my first critique of the semester. I've been feeling so anxious about it. Not anxious about my abilities or the quality of my drawings, but more about what people will think of them. Though Jack told me, "Fuck em". I know that's the attitude I should have, and from time to time I do have flickers of boldness. I just can't help feeling a sense of nakedness. These are things that come purely from my heart. This is art as therapy. So it's a frightening proposition to put these types of works up for display in front of art school people whose job it is to tell you what you're doing wrong.

Vulnerability.

This morning I got a call from Yvonne from the office. Luckily I sounded lucid enough to give the impression that I was actually awake at 9 am (damn that The Help book, keeping me up!). She told me that Merrin contacted her about me not having been there for 2 weeks. I explained to her why, that I've been seeing the counselor, etc. I said that Merrin was probably worried and she said that, yes, Merrin sounded concerned. I feel really fortunate, at least, to have people in my school who seem to genuinely care about me and notice when I'm not there. Merrin especially is so kind.

So that's where I am this semester. Completely behind the 8 Ball, anxious as all hell, a bit ashamed. But I've never felt such an overriding sense of sureness about what I am doing, at least not since the Fritzl era. The best thing is that it's regarding my goofy little drawings. I feel confident that in the end, I don't care if it's not seen as fine art and I as not quite an artist, as art itself has become such a self-serving, gigantic cliche. In reality I should be pretty happy that what I'm doing wouldn't exactly BE considered art ;)

I do want to mention that a couple nights ago Chris pointed out a show called The Happy Prostitute on tv to me. It looked LOLtastic, but he had to sleep, so I watched it in bed and wound up having a dream that I wanted a house so badly that I became a prostitute at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch. LOL. Nice.

Things have been going pretty damn well for Chris, and I am so happy for him! Drifting Through is coming together, and the dude Chris met regarding being the bass player, Dase, impressed Chris big time. News just in this morning, Dase contacted Chris and told him he loved the demo songs. So they will probably all play together on Sunday. So much beard power in this band. Hahaha. Billy Mays would be proud. Chris is also going to be meeting up with another band some time this week (Wednesday? I forgot when...O_O) and he's pretty stoked about that. I've heard some of their songs....really beautiful and dreamy.

Chris dad comes down this weekend, and it's Rachel's birthday, so we'll probably go out to dinner somewhere. Their dad only gets to stay a DAY. Which is massively lame. But he may have to be back sooner than he thought since Drifting Through may be playing a show in light of the Poison City big shows :)

I'm listening to Duncan Sheik. I haven't listened to this music in quite a long time. It's so fun hearing these songs again and anticipating the bits in them that hook me. Chris downloaded all of his albumns for me so I've got a lot to reminisce over!

I'm anxious to speak with Janyce, as she recently lost a dear family member and I hope that she is hanging in there. If you're reading this, where's that email???!??? ;) No I don't blame you, my last email was LONG..hehe.

Posting pics in a moment....Tootles for now!